Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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