Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bring money and cleavage
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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