apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
