I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
