You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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