Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
