it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
