Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
