I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
