Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
