I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
