She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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