Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
