my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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