so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
