she looked like the bat from fern gully.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
