Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
