And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
