yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
