I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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