I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
