this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
