Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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