I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
