I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
