What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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