She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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