when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize