she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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