Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
