I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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