I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize