omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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