Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
