If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
