ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
