And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it's like iHOP with fire
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
