She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
