I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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