Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
