I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I looked at my own cervix.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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