Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
