OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
