we're blogging at a bar
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
