Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
