Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Congratulations! We have a period
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
