I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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