hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
