Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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