he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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