So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize