So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
