Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
