some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
