At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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