I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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