theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
