Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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