the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
