Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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