im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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