The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
