i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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