Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
