He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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