Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
