I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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