I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
