I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
