So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
