so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
