My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
