I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I am morally bankrupt
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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