Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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