i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
