You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
