I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My ass is underappreciated
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
