My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize