Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
