Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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