You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
